We All Fall Down
by YouLittleRat
Summary: The penguins have to work together to rescue Skipper and keep Hans out of the way, but everything seems to make things worse. (Please review)


"Let me just make this abundantly clear Skipper," says Hans as he glares down at Skipper, clinging to the edge of a cliff on the coast of New York. Below, a thick fog conceals any hint of a bottom. "If you fall, you will die." Skipper attempts to swing himself up but Hans kicks him away. "Ah, ah, ah," he warns, "If you talk, you might live."

"I choose option C." Skipper makes another attempt to get up but when Hans goes to deflect him he hooks his foot with the puffin's. Hans trips and falls over the edge. Unexpectedly, Hans grabs Skipper as he passes. "Ulk!" goes Skipper, regaining his grip. "Damn it Hans!"

"You were the one doing the tripping! I wasn't really going to kill you, you know." Pebbles rain on their heads and the two birds look up. The bit of rock Skipper's grasping starts to crumble. It gives way and they're both sent screaming and hurdling into the abyss. The cliff curves into a steep hill and they bounce painfully down it until hitting a wall of rock. "Huh," Hans stands and brushes himself off, "I guess it wasn't that deep."

"Great," says Skipper, appearing behind Hans. He hits him in the neck and knocks him out. "Good to know."

"Skipper! Skiiiiper!"

"Skipper!"

"**Skipper!**" Private, Kowalski and Rico scour the foggy precipice for their leader. From over the edge they hear, "Finally!"

"Skipper?" Private gazes over and into the grey soup below.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting here?!"

"We were having difficulty pin-pointing your exact location," responds Kowalski.

"Why are you shouting? I was having the nicest dream," Hans wakes up beside Skipper.

"We've hidden the Pandamonium-Aray Skipper," Private calls down.

"Right in the Zoo's hidden supply room; Hans would never look for it there."

Skipper smacks his forehead. "He's down here with me boys."

"Thank you Kowalski!"

"Whoops," says Kowalski.

"Never mind now. Rico! Rope!" Rico produces a rope and the penguins lower it to Skipper. He grabs hold of it but so does Hans. They struggle to push each other away in order to climb up. "Let go!" yells Skipper at his foe.

"What did he say?" asks Private, "Let go?"

"If he says so." The boys release their hold. To Skipper and Hans' surprise the rope collapses and buries them.

Skipper emerges from the entanglement. "What was that for?! Why'd you let go?!"

"You ordered us to."

"I was talking to Hans!" Hans snickers beside him and he smacks him upside the head.

"Perhaps a new course of action," suggests Kowalski.

"Kowalski?" Skipper looks up at the sight of Kowalski lowering down through the fog by a rope around his waist.

"Not to worry Skipper. We have everything under control." As soon as he's close enough, Hans jumps up for the rope but Kowalski easily deflects him and he falls down. "You see? With me up here keeping Hans away you can easily climb up to safety."

"Good work Kowalski!" Skipper leaps up and into Kowalski's arms. They beam in a moment of triumph, but then they both go; "Wait…"

"Aha!" bellows Hans. He leaps up and onto the rope. Kowalski's preoccupied with holding Skipper. "Suckers!" The smile disappears from his face though when they all suddenly drop and then stop very quickly. Above, Private and Rico struggle to hold on.

"It's too heavy!" cries Private. It slips out of their flippers and the three birds crash to the ground.

"Well that didn't work," observes Kowalski.

"Ya think?" quips Skipper.

"Okay Skipper, I'm sure it'll work out differently this time," calls down Private, holding yet another new rope.

"It looks like the same plan as the first time," replies Skipper, scrutinizing the now cursed object dangling before him.

"Right, but this time Kowalski's down there to keep Hans from climbing up." The two penguins, down below, look to the puffin in question standing a distance away from them.

"I'd like to see him try," Hans smiles.

"Okay then Kowalski, you heard the Private." Kowalski nods to Skipper then stands behind him while he climbs the rope. Hans bolts out for it but Kowalski knocks him back. He tries again and again but the penguin's defense is impenetrable. Skipper makes good time and soon reaches the top. "Lend me a hand Private?" Private takes his flipper. Just at that moment, Kowalski has a revelation.

"Wait… how am _I_ going to get up?"

His distracting thoughts are all Hans needs to leapfrog over Kowalski and onto the rope. His sudden weight pulls Skipper and Private over the edge. They tumble down and smack into the escapee. Skipper weakly emerges from their penguin-puffin pile and says, "You need to lose weight Hans."

Rico paces feverishly on top of the cliff. "Rico!" Skipper calls up, "Got any ideas?!"

"**I don't know!**" Rico screams back.

"Woah," says Skipper.

"You're wasting your time on him." pipes up Hans, "This little problem is too much for that teeny-tiny mind of his." Skipper marches up to Hans and looks him dead in the eye.

"You listen to me Hans. Rico's a good soldier and a good soldier never backs down from a challenge. If his smarts can't get us out of this, then his tenacity will!"

Meanwhile, above, Rico groans and hits his head against a rock. "**Think! Think! Think!**" He gives up and plops down with his head in his flippers. "**Oooooh**" he groans again.

In front of him sits a spider's web, hanging between two rocks. Rico watches as the spider creeps from her hiding space and ensnares a victim on her web. She wraps the hapless creature up in her string. Suddenly Rico stands up and exclaims, "**I got it!**" He runs over to the edge and jumps off. Landing on his feet, he slides down the hill into Private and Kowalski.

"Rico?! What are you doing?!" cries Skipper but Rico holds his flipper up to him. He picks the ropes off the ground and throws them at Hans.

"Hey! What the-" before Hans can finish speaking Rico twirls the ropes around and around the puffin, tying him up good and tight.

"**Ta da!**"

Kowalski smacks his face so hard his beak vibrates. "It's so obvious!"

"Why didn't _we_ think of that?" asks Private.

"**'Cause you aint me.**"

Skipper chuckles to himself. "Well aren't we a bunch of numnuts? Kudos Rico, you really outshined us." Rico smiles and regurgitates a grappling-gun. He shoots it into the rock above and the penguins join flippers. Then they shoot up and out of there.

From his abundance of twisted knots, Hans speaks up tentatively, "Uh, you guys. You're coming back for me yes?"


End file.
